It's called service for a reason

I have been noticing a rather disturbing trend of late. It seems that more and more, stores are hiring zombies instead of people. Sure they look like teenagers, but in dealing with them and their blank stares and monosyllabic answers I am starting to wonder if they aren't in fact an army of the dead. If they are in fact living breathing humans, and they should stumble across this post on their way to downloading music or catching the latest funny video posting, I figured I would put down some points that I think could use noting.

First off, I am required by law to pay for goods that I wish to leave the store with. I know that this is a wacky concept, but as silly as it is I will abide by it. So to that end, I must come to your register. At this point I usually like to engage in just a small amount of pleasantry, nothing crazy, just "hello" with perhaps a smattering of eye contact. I realize that you may in fact hate your job, but as I am not the one who put you there or made up these crazy laws requiring payment for goods and services, please don't look at me as though my very existence is a blight on your day. You're being paid to be there. I am not saying you have to even ask me about my day, heaven forbid, but at the very least be courteous. Look me in the eye, say hello, and when we're done tell me to have a nice day. That's 5 words total... I know you have it in you, I have faith in you.

Next up, along the lines of the preceding point, if I am standing in front of you, goods in hand please stop discussing the latest store gossip with your coworkers. Like Oh My God, I can't believe she did that, like I totally told her not to, but she totally did. Besides the fact that you are butchering the English language, I really don't care what she did. I also feel that you will get me out of the store a lot more quickly if you are, I don't know, paying attention. Also in this respect, please get off your cell phone. Yes I realize your weekend plans are the reason for your very being, but again, I don't really care. If I have a question I can't ask it because I feel like I'm being rude. Don't tell the person to hold on and then put your cell next to you to pick it up the moment I've walked away, by doing that you make me feel as though you are rushing me. I don't want to be rushed. I am spending money in the store that employs you, my money goes in part to your salary.

If you are an aisle walker. Please be aware that you are still an employee, and therefore there is a good chance I'm going to ask you, gasp, a question. If I've spent the last 20 minutes wandering the aisles in hopes of locating that one specific item that I so desperately need to complete my scavenger hunt of a shopping expedition, I have to ask you where it is. Answering my query with a heavy sigh and a shrug of your shoulders doesn't really help me. Chances are I wasted that 20 minutes of my life in the hopes of avoiding this very moment only to have it realized and smack me in the face. If you don't know, find someone that does without the heavy breath expultion. I really don't want to know what it is that you had for breakfast that morning.

If I ask you a question about my receipt such as why that candy bar cost me $400.00, please don't take immediate offense to it. I am not casting doubt on your intelligence as a whole. We are all human and mistakes happen. I would simply not like to have to pay 400 times the value of said chocolate bar. Please understand I love chocolate as much as the next person, but unless it has the Golden Ticket in it and I am going to inherit a candy factory from an eccentric candy maker, I really don't want to pay that kind of money. Please try to refrain from getting angry and defensive and simply address my concern. Chances are we can come to a resolution quickly and amicably without coming to verbal or physical blows.

Lastly, if I am purchasing an item of a personal nature, such as stomach medication, please don't point it out in any way shape or form. I really don't care what your 108 year old grandmother did to help you get through your bout of dysentery. Nor do I care about what the stomach virus you just got over did to the frequency of your bowel movements. Just ring up my item and let me be on my way. Similarly, if I ask you "how's your day", I don't actually want the answer. It's a pleasantry. I am being polite, I don't actually want to know about the fact that your teacher hates you, your boyfriend/girlfriend is a jerk, that your dog ran away or insert any other country song lyric here.

These are just a few things I've been noticing more and more frequently. Are there others, I'm sure, but I don't have that kind of time and the rest may not be worth mentioning at the moment. Basically long story short, just treat your customers like humans and I am sure for the most part, they will return the favor.