You've Been Serv-iced!

Having been a customer service type position for more than half my life, I feel that there are certain things that customers should be, we’ll say mindful of, when dealing with people in customer service.

I understand that, as a customer you deserve the utmost attention and care and to this end, I can’t agree more. However, I believe that many people forget that the person on the other end of the phone is in fact, a person.

Here are a few tips to make your experience and the experience of the person just trying to do their job a wee bit better.

Please refrain from eating on the phone. I am sure that week old lasagna that you just nuked is absolutely fantastic and suddenly after a week you can’t wait to eat it, but I personally don’t wish to hear any part of your digestive process. If you are about to make a call from which you hope to glean some information, then doing so without a mouthful of half eaten food is probably the better way to go. Not to mention the fact that certain sounds required for forming a word are rather hard to accomplish with a wad of food stuck in your mouth. Go ahead, try it… eat some crackers and make an “s” sound. Just do it away from people.

In this fast paced world of multi tasking, pottying while on the phone is still one of those things that should be done in the peaceful sanctity of a bathroom without the presence of your cell phone. If you make a call whilst you take a tinkle, please be aware, we can hear you. Your urethra is most likely not equipped with a mute button and, as far as I’m aware, most toilets have yet to come with an optional stealth mode. If you’re taking a bath, enjoy the relaxation of some quality “you” time and don’t use that time to discuss the mysterious .45 cent charge on your phone bill.

If you happen to be driving, which is a little scary, please roll up your window and turn the radio down. When you are cruising along the highway at a crisp 60 miles an hour and the wind is breezing through the window and playing with your hair, please note that it is also blowing through the mouth piece of your phone at that same 60 mile an hour pace and thusly making the service rep you are talking to, deaf. Also note: that if your radio is so loud that you didn’t just hear that ambulance with its siren wailing as it passed you, we probably can’t hear you either. If you happen to just be sitting in the car with the door open, please remove your keys from the ignition. What happens here is, that really annoying ding ding ding that your car makes to make you aware that your keys are still in there goes through this odd transformation as it passes through your cell phone, through the phone lines and out the other end into someone’s ear. It goes up by about 30 decibels, rendering your service rep highly irritated.

I totally understand that sometimes the company you are dealing with has pissed you off in such a way that words can escape you. However, replacing these words with curses strung together in a way that would make a truck driver blush is really not the best way to get your point across. Chances are the person you got on the phone has NO idea why you were calling until you tell us. Give us the benefit of the doubt and the time to try and make it right. If, in the end, you still aren’t getting the answer you are looking for, ask to speak to a manager. The rep has probably done all that was in their power to do, and quite frankly managers make more money than we do.

Lastly, if you are speaking with us, speak to us. Information comes across so much more clearly if you aren’t speaking to your cousin from out of town and yelling at your dog who has messed in the corner for the 3rd time today. For the 5 minutes you’re on the phone, just leave the room. I’m sure there is one place in your house that is quiet and is doggy poo free.

These are just the more annoying issues that have come up over the years. I feel that these items extend to not just dealing with customer service people, but quite frankly are just good phone etiquette. It goes back to one simple rule, do unto other as you would have done unto you. More over, just treat people like people, and I am willing to bet your results will be much better.